A Depressed Angstkitty

Okay, so I haven't been the perfect friend...
It's just... I'm tired. Tired of your shit, tired of school, tired of life in general.
And I know this is going to be mean... and maybe you won't ever talk to me again... but you have to understand:
Okay. Sol sol... I know things aren't so perfect with your 'girlfriend'... and I know you love her...
And then you've said you loved me... some ages ago... But now you love her... and you KEEP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE! I don't know if I can make it without cutting or breaking down....

MOVING ON NOW! DON'T WORRY LADIES AND GENTS, NOTHING TO SEE HERE D=

Today's part-of-lyrics:

Have I trusted blindly in your love, too many times

You said: "hey, my love, I'm sorry but we can't go on 'cause
I'm in love with someone else"
Tell me, what do you want me to say
When you treat me this way

Oh I love you, maybe
And I hope it goes away
Oh, how I want you daily
I know it's gonna stay
~Sonata Arctica, song: Last Drop Falls, album: Silence


I'm sorry everyone... today's been a bitch.. sorry Sol Sol, for saying that....
Actually, I'm FUCKING PISSED...
And Sol, dear, I know of so many things I could say to you now, both mean and 'nice'... but I'm not going to... partly because you seem to not want to talk to me at the moment, partly because I don't want to hurt you anymore. Partly.
Sorry again everyone... I screwed up on all my tests last week... and there's a five chapter test in history tomorrow and I haven't even started studying, and a big one in German the day after that(which I haven't studied for either...)
GAH! Just GAH!
Sorry for crying.

I still have knifes....
Just in case....
If everything goes wrong.....
But, my love, I promise not to use them!
Not tonight at least...
I promise.

I've decided to tell her the truth about what I did on the 20th......

19:20: Heh... she's gone.... so much for that.

19:29: I don't think I'm going to make it through tonight without snapping.... and without her... heh.... it's not even eight and I'm already thinking bad thoughts......

Heh. Imagine this: I actually felt PRETTY yesterday. What the fuck? Yeah....
I was risking so much by dressing like that... a white shirt and a black vest, a black mini(although it was quite long..) and black and red striped tights... Yes, the mental images! The HORROR! DX
Why, you ask? I went to a graduation 'party' at my aunt's house... and we had to stay longer because my sister wanted to watch Eurovision. *disgust* I hate that! DX But we got home at around half past eleven....
She wasn't online. Of course she wasn't... she went out.. on a date....
No, I'm not bitter! I'm just sad. Really really sad.
Swear I'm gonna break my hand one day.... Or my head =D
Hitting my head keeps the bad thoughts away for a while....

How come I get sad every time she leaves?
I no longer feel the need to draw, socialize or even breathe....
Maybe I should cut.... not deep, just barely enough to bleed
Maybe I shouldn't..... it makes her sad.... it hurts her.....
I don't want her to leave.... but she has a date.... that's more important
^^
I need to stay strong....

So you do not want to talk to me....

Rejection can be emotionally painful because of the social nature of human beings and our basic need to be accepted in groups. Abraham Maslow and other theorists have suggested that the need for love and belongingness is a fundamental human motivation.^[3] All humans, even introverts, require a certain amount of social acceptance and interaction to be psychologically healthy. Being a member of a group is important for social identity, which is a key component of the self-concept. Rejection by an entire group of people can have especially adverse effects, particularly when it results in social isolation.
~Wikipedia

Sol sol... if we die tomorrow... I love you

I can't make her feel better >.<! And I HATE it!
There's a sinking feeling in my chest. Hello new feeling. I hate you and please go away. I don't know what you stand for so remove yourself !!
The wall hurts my head TT_TT
I can't leave because i don't know when she'll be back
please be okay

Please please please please please be okay >.<

HATE HATE  HATE HATE HATE myself !!!!1!
Screwed up the German exam... big time...
Haha Sol sol... didn't ace the test................. but that's nothing to laugh about =/ so why am i laughing?
I'll just hope to do great in English and then it'll all be okay and I won't have to wallow in my misery for many days... (but I'll do it anyway)
Supposed to be helping dad with some food stuff or other =/ DUN WANNA!